BBLs and the illusion of control
BBLs | FEBRUARY 2026
Welcome to our February newsletter. This month, we will keep it short and sweet, like the month of February.
BBLs and the illusion of control
Firstly, Brazil was amazing…and no, I did not go there to get a BBL (Brazilian butt lift). But the trip almost did not happen because of what I now term my own BBL (Brazil, boilers and life-lessons). A couple of days before I was meant to travel to Brazil, my boiler started leaking. The plumber could not fix it in time, and a new one would take at least a week to arrive. The drip was small, but the bucket I had would not last the duration of my trip without overflowing.
I tried everything: hose siphons, a plethora of other makeshift experiments and needless to say, they did not work. I considered cancelling my trip. But this option seemed excessive. Things felt simply beyond my control.
What I really needed was help.
I humbled myself and asked a friend (one of three best friends I am lucky enough to have between a 3-15 minute radius of mi casa) to empty the bucket whilst I was away. Their instant “of course” magically lifted the weight I was carrying. My stress melted, and I could enjoy my birthday in Brazil without feeling anxious. I also needn’t have spent countless hours on my actual birthday stressing about this. I should have just asked for help earlier.
The Takeaway: Asking for help is not a weakness – it is a tool for freedom. Life rarely goes exactly as planned. Our need for control is often an illusion, and trying to hold on too tightly just creates additional stress.
The psychology behind the illusion of control
The illusion of control was an idea first published by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer in 1975. This later developed into the philosophy that Humans are wired to seek control as a form of self-protection to deal with life’s unpredictability and to avoid vulnerability. This can sometimes look like over planning, micromanaging, or even developing superstitions in order to feel safe. However, life is inherently changeable. Trying to control the uncontrollable just creates rigidity and stress.
The real skill is learning to navigate uncertainty with trust - both in yourself and in those around you.
How to thrive when control feels out of reach?
From my boiler drama, I realised that stress often comes not from events themselves, but from how tightly we try to control them. Here’s how I’ve learned to loosen that grip and create a bit more freedom.
1. Relinquish what you can’t control
Identify what truly matters and what is outside your influence. Make peace with it. Energy spent on what you cannot control is energy lost.
2. Ask for help early and clearly
List the tasks you can delegate or share. Reach out before stress builds. Asking isn’t weakness - it’s strategic problem-solving.
3. Practice small surrenders
Intentionally let go of minor things daily: a project detail, a minor plan change, or the “perfect” way of doing something. Embrace that there may be alternative ‘right’ routes. Practice flexibility by asking: ‘If X doesn’t happen, what other options exist?’
4. Shift your mindset after a setback
After a setback, ask: “What can I learn?” instead of, “Why did this happen to me?”
5. Delegate and trust others
Give people ownership of tasks you usually control. Let go of micro-managing - observe, support, then step back.
6. Detach from outcomes
Focus on effort and process, not the result.
7. Build your ask-muscle (a bonus for life mastery)
Make a conscious habit of requesting help in both personal and professional life. Start small - a favour, a check-in, an opinion; and gradually normalise collaboration.
If we learn to accept that control is an illusion, we can more easily ask for help, stay flexible and navigate uncertainty. This isn’t giving up, but instead choosing freedom, energy, and perspective. It allows a full experience of life, even when things don’t go as planned.
Let us embrace the unpredictability and celebrate the small mercies. With good friends and those who help us along the way, we can navigate this messy, beautiful journey called life. I’m always grateful to those in my life who make life’s unpredictability easier. Thank you!
This week I have been…
Reading: Open water by Caleb Azumah Nelson – a beautiful story of love and belonging, delicately dealing with race and masculinity. https://amzn.to/3ZoPpms
Watching: Bridgerton (Netflix) – because the new season is out!
Listening: "This year" by Thenigpen
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