Is it ever too early to learn how to negotiate for the life you want?

NEGOTIATING | MAY 2026

Is it ever too early to learn how to negotiate for the life you want?

After becoming a Medical Consultant, I found myself stepping into negotiations around my job plan.

The truth is, I barely even knew what a Consultant job plan should really look like. I didn’t fully understand PAs (Programmed Activities), SPAs (Supporting Professional Activities), or how to begin negotiating them.

But, this was about far more than hours on paper.

It was about shaping a role that aligned with how I wanted to work and live long term. About creating the life I envisioned for myself.

Very quickly, I realised I needed to learn how to:

• ask for protected leadership time

• navigate and confront gender pay disparities

• advocate for flexible working

• and communicate my value clearly

I reached out to senior mentors and to a friend slightly ahead of me in his Consultant journey. He recommended the book Never Split the Difference by Christopher Voss and Tahl Raz.

I ordered it immediately.

I wanted to learn how to make my asks reasonable, clear, and effective.
I didn’t want to be taken advantage of.

Most importantly, I needed to find my voice.

The book gave me far more than negotiation techniques - it gave me a different mindset.

“You don’t get what you deserve in life; you get what you negotiate.”

That line stayed with me.

So many of us - especially in medicine, leadership, and other high-achieving environments, are conditioned to believe that if we simply work hard enough, recognition and opportunity will naturally follow.

But often, they don’t.

Sometimes asking for what we want can feel uncomfortable, rude, demanding, or even overconfident. Especially for those of us socialised to be people pleasers (agreeable, grateful, and overly accommodating).

But having the conversation matters.

Because when you advocate for yourself, you begin taking ownership of both your present reality and the direction of your future.

One concept from the book that particularly challenged me was the idea that “splitting the difference” is often a poor strategy.

Voss argues that rushing to a 50:50 compromise can leave both sides dissatisfied. Instead, he encourages pursuing solutions that genuinely maximise value and alignment, rather than settling prematurely for the middle ground.

The book strengthened my “ask” muscle.

More specifically:

• my how to ask muscle

• and my getting over the fear of asking muscle

I genuinely wish I had learnt these skills earlier.

But I am deeply grateful I learnt them when I did. They helped me negotiate protected leadership time, challenge pay disparities, and create more flexibility in how I work and live.

Since then, I’ve recommended this book to many of my residents and coachees - not just for job planning, but for life planning.

Because negotiation doesn’t just start at the table.

It starts with understanding what truly matters to you.

Not just: What am I negotiating for?

But: Why does it matter so much to me?

Reflections

What does freedom look like for you?

• How does your week actually feel?

• Where are you overextending yourself?

• Is there something you’ve wanted to ask for but haven’t?

• If so, why? And how important is it to you?

And perhaps most prized:

Are you actively negotiating for the life you want…or, quietly adjusting yourself around systems that were never designed with you in mind?

Next Steps

Like any muscle, negotiation becomes stronger with practice.

Start small.

Set yourself a simple everyday negotiating challenge:

• asking for an upgrade

• requesting flexibility

• asking for support

• querying a fee or discount

• even asking for the extra syrup in your coffee for free

The goal is not manipulation.

The goal is becoming more comfortable asking.

A few insights from Never Split the Difference that can help:

1. Start with human connection

People respond better when they feel acknowledged and respected.

Use warmth, names, smile. Connection lowers defensiveness.

2. Use tactful empathy

Show that you understand the other person’s position.

Phrases like:

• “It sounds like…”

• “It seems like…”

can completely change the tone of a conversation.

3. Ask calibrated “how” and “what” questions

Instead of making demands, ask questions that invite collaboration.

For example:

“How could we make this work?” or

“What would need to happen for this to be possible?”

These questions shift conversations from confrontation to problem-solving.

4. Become comfortable hearing “no”

Ironically, people often feel safer saying “no” than “yes.”

Instead of: "Can I get a discount?" (This makes someone feel forced to say yes/no)

Try: "Would it be ridiculous to ask for a free coffee since I come here every day?" (They can say "No, it wouldn't be" and feel comfortable giving it).

These small moments of practice build confidence over time.

Eventually, they prepare you for the bigger conversations:

• asking for the opportunity

• protecting your time

• setting boundaries

• changing direction

• creating flexibility

• and advocating for the life you truly want

Because in my humble opinion:

It is never too early to learn how to negotiate for the life you wish for.

This week I have been…

Reading: My friend’s book Chasing Freedom by Simukai Chigudu a beautifully written reflection on Zimbabwe, Uganda, liberation, identity, and what freedom means across generations. It explores how many of us are still searching for our own version of the freedom we were promised.

https://amzn.to/3RqZ8Yw

Listening: Mnikeni by Thando Zide

If you found this reflection useful, forward it to one person who would appreciate it.

Thank you and see you next month.